I have a nonsexual girl crush on Stella McCartney. She’s Paul’s daughter obvs and if I were her I’d probably be as drunk, bloated and shnasty as the rest of the pampered Hollywood-New York-London children of the really rich famous people set … but she has her shit together … and she launched a make-up line last year — Care — that contains no endangered plants, genetically modified ingredients, polluting petrochemicals, cancer-causing paraben preservatives or synthetic fragrances. It’s organic, it’s yummy, it smells delish. And it’s at my fave beauty emporium, Sephora.
YAY! Good for her!
Here’s the thing: I can’t spend $500 on make-up, moisturizer and perfume when I feel like it. Not only because it’s silly and so not in my writing for a living and paying the bills for the fam until my husband graduates from law school and then it’s his turn (at which point I plan to stop neurotically pinching pennies until my fingers bleed and go on a crazy-ass shopping spree that may just involve running up and down the aisles of Sephora cackling so insanely no noise but copious amounts of drool emerge from my head hole and security is forced to escort me outside at which point I’ll just run across Union Square and repeat the exercise in DSW wait I won’t have to shop at DSW anymore fuck it I’ll run to Spring Street and hit up Chanel hahahahaha I can totally see it now I love their shoes okay I know I’ll never buy Chanel shoes but a girl can dream shut up) but because my husband who is really quite lovely and non-violent will murder me.
And then he’ll be forced to go to jail and that won’t be a fun place for him because he’s adorable and blond and bad things will happen to his bottom. And then our dog will be homeless and although she caught and almost killed a pigeon this morning so she could theoretically feed herself … I don’t think she’d survive for long on the mean streets of Brooklyn Heights.
But I digress.
Instead of making a purchase that will cause my and my family’s demise I just go to the Cosmetics Database (link above) to see if my cheap-ass shampoo is going to kill me and/or all of the fishies in the sea …..
